17 Dec 2016

I almost make plans. Porvoo didn’t happen today. I thought about it and couldn’t find a bus that goes there today. So after a slow start, I found myself walking around in circles again. I know I’m going to do it and I happens again. This really needs to stop. Food and coffee would have been a good idea, but I didn’t need it after another great breakfast.

By writing things down, perhaps I can change things. Memory fails me more times than I can remember. Or perhaps everything still is in there and I don’t use it. And it’s only human nature to do the easiest thing. Perhaps, I could go to Spain and drink all day in an all inclusive resort. Then talk about how drunk I got.

Looking at my book reading over the past years, I can see that I’m at least trying to expand my head with new things. I enter races – mostly cyclocross these days. But I don’t really connect with anyone. At least, I don’t think I do.

The point of making plans it have an end point, or a goal. Goals and end points have their problems. One is what happens when you get there, and the other is what to do if you don’t achieve your goal. We see examples of people have got to where they wanted to go, but there must be many who never got what they wanted. There will be people who never tried and are happy, and people who never tried and feel unhappy.

Goals and happiness are different things, despite outward appearances. Surrounding yourself with nice things may make you happy, but then there’s the next thing to buy. A good time in a run, may be a target, but then we may want to go faster and longer. It’s a spiral of despair in my opinion, and it can make other people feel bad.

In my opinion, doing things just for the sake of doing them is very important. Do what make you feel good. Trying to impress other people is pointless. Try to be a good example instead. And do things for the right reasons.

I maybe going all spiritual, but I’m not. Don’t be to harsh on yourself. Be friendly, and a good friend. Most of all, be aware of the stress and anxieties modern life places on us. Knowing that, we are bombarded with unattainable goals, things we cant afford, and lifestyles is helpfully. But we can’t control our subconscious. And if our subconscious keeps making us stressed, or doing the wrong thinks, the “me” part of the brain needs to jump in. If in doubt, stop think, tell yourself how great you are, and maybe write something down.

I do realise that I have been slightly jealous of bloggers and authors, but I’m not comparing myself to them. I’m doing it because I can. I run if I want to, and I cycle because I enjoy it.

To summarise – this hasn’t earned me any attention, and I did it for me. In my head, I can still feel that I wanted to learn a foreign language. I want to communicate in another language, but I need to be able to communicate in my own language first. That’s my plan. And in the spirit of things, I don’t care if this post is good or bad. I haven’t re-read it. That’s not the point. Its the equivalent to leaving the stopwatch behind on a run. Just doing it helps.