Yet again, I have no idea where this is going. I need a big distraction from the day. But I do like bikes and I don’t like it when I can’t get away from everything and ride one. “It’s not a bout the bike” was a Lance Armstrong book, that I lost when it was half read. I think it was a type of open confession about the drugs. Not a big confession, just a little taster so he could be validated that he’d admitted taking drugs, and no-one picked up on it. So, that’s all good. But he did, and he had to admit it. And recently he settled a $100 million legal case for $5 million. I wish I was rich enough to do that. Cheating does pay after all. There’s the price of losing a testicle too, although that may not have been related to early drug taking. On balance, it may have possibly played some part.

I’m not cheating, and for what it’s worth, still have both testicles. I say both, perhaps there are some cases of a man having an odd number greater than two. I’ve never heard of a case like that, but the world is a big place.

Maybe Lance was trapped in a system and he couldn’t get out. It’s more likely that he thought every one else was drugged up, and he was leveling the playing field. He certainly seemed to flatten steep hills when he rode up them.

This isn’t about Lance, it’s about looking for validation that everything is fine when things are going badly. It’s all about me. I want to know things aren’t as bad as they seem. They’re not really, I just wish I was better. I am better, much better than years ago, just not great. I do try, but it’s not always enough. Sometimes hit comes home and hits hard, so I write something in the hope that good things will come from it. All I have to do is hang around for another ten years and see what happens.

Where was I? Oh yeah! More me, me me.

Sometimes we stay in the wrong place. Lot’s of other people find this and move. It’s not you, it’s just the circumstances. It’s not like I’m in a World War I trench, but we still have daily battles, and people can piss me off. I accept that my actions, or lack of actions are a cause of this. This doesn’t have to be the case. I can find another place. Maybe I’l rhyme all the time, or not.

An old manager of mine used to say that we are not operating on babies. My mistakes may not put me in a good light, but in the scheme of things, it’s not that important. And if I don’t like my job, I can spend all my energy getting a new one.

Did I say I met Danny Macaskill the other day?