I told a lie today. It wasn’t what I wanted to say, but it seemed like the easiest thing to do in a complicated situation. I say complicated when other people would have dealt with circumstances much better. Now I feel bad because I’m not a natural lie teller. Or I’m think I’m not. Perhaps I lie to myself all the time, or I give the appearance that things are better than they are. I may be lied to all the time and don’t know it. This is my confession!

All I did was give the impression that I was flying home tonight and working from home. When in fact I’m staying 400 miles from home and working from home in my hotel this Friday. I’d have been totally open about it if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m getting some training on new stuff in the company, all of which would give the impression that I’m moving on. The other reason is that I’d be the one in the team who would be visible. There are two reasons why this is bad:

1. I’m exposed on my own on a customer location (selfish)
2. If I’m there, they may expect others to be there (team)

But mainly, letting them know that I was doing something else would be a problem. And now I have a new respect for politicians – life is not not simple. I have a feeling that it’s the child in me which is that little part of the early brain development that takes over during difficult times. I wish mine was better, because the more developed older brain has problems with that. And if confronted, I’ll just own up. All I did was respond to a question and make something up. I’ll confess to a trusted member of my team and see what they say. Under stress, we can all make bad choices. In this case, it seemed like the correct one. If I was blocked from taking the training my progression would be in jeopardy and something missing in my life is putting my interests first, just like other people.

I’m a very bad liar to other people. One thing liars do is to leave little queues that they are telling a lie. If their little clues aren’t challenged, they take it as an affirmation that everything is ok. I’ll have left clues everywhere.

This will be worth the training and the camping weekend in fresh countryside air. But I still feel bad.