I need hope and I need structure. More than that, I need to back myself.

This evening was my first time on the rollers in months. For reasons I can’t explain, I haven’t been using them. This kind of thing happens in a slump. And I slump on the couch as well. So from now on I need to structure this in to my office hours day. Admittedly, this isn’t what I need to be doing, but what it does give me is a space in the day that I can do things before and after. It’s those things I’d given up on. Efforts to learn new things seem to have failed, looking for work has failed, and training fails. But it doesn’t if you do the right things in the right way.

From now on, I’m going to be out of bed at 0700 every morning, and I will start with breakfast and gentle exercise. My day will end at 1630 when I can do the things I really want to do. That’s it. All I need in my head is “don’t give up”.

For the record, I feel pretty good right now. I’m off the booze again. There have been a couple of blips since 20th July, but that’s all part of if not giving up, dramatically cutting down. All I need to do is have my double life where privately I’ll have the odd drink, but publicly be totally dry. That sounds really bad, but I’m not talking about secret binge drinking. What it is about is being fit and healthy, with the ability to not drink when I don’t want to in a social situation. And if I do have a beer I don’t need to feel bad about it.

This is another short one.