Yes, just another Monday, nothing special.

Yesterday’s half bottle of wine was a mistake. Not a huge mistake, but I still knew that I had a drink that I didn’t need and which made me feel a little unwell. The good news is that I won’t make this mistake for at least another week. The bad news is that the feeling of having the perfect pint will have some magic effect that I can in no way explain, but I want it. The good news is that I don’t try this very often. Once you give up for ten months, you can’t go back to proper drinking without thinking it’s a bad thing to do. If only the magic exists!

My mood has changed. I feel totally different over the past couple of days. The world looks different, my flat looks different, and I don’t feel tired. Strangely, if feel more grown up and it’s beyond me where this has been before. I’m in a bit of a tight spot, but now I feel that I have the tools to deal with it. Something was blocking me before. It could have been bad air, alchohol, or the short days of Autumn and Winter. Somehow, I didn’t have the ability to help myself, even if I knew what was going on. The problem was that I knew this, which makes it worse. Being in a bad place makes people make bad decisions and I know all about that.

All of this makes me feel different about tomorrow. Whatever I need to do, I can do. I won’t let myself become frustrated when things are tough, and I will treat myself to the things I want to do. I will chill out and be more fun – which shouldn’t be too hard. What I needed was a new hobby. All the cycling, running, and swimming was a outlet but it doesn’t create anything. What I needed was another creative outlet. And the photography seems to fit the bill. My other outlet is going to the local pond and feeding monkey nuts to the squirrels. Give it a try. It’s much more rewarding than feeding the ducks.

I did finish the bottle of wine today. Part of me was going to pour it down the sink, but I decided that drinking it in the afternoon would offset any of the after effects the next morning. What I wanted was more, which is why I have to not do this again for a while. If the plan works, I’ll be fresh and ready to go in the morning. There are jobs on the horizon and I need to be prepared. I was unprepared on one call this week and I need to learn from that.

Tomorrow is Monday.