Finally, some warmth.

Yesterday was 29th March 2021 and the first good day of the year. It was warm, the sky was blue, and for the first time this year, you could feel the warmth of the sun. Life feels so much better. But I hate having my health and my moods so closely linked to the conditions outside. Having said that, I have no choice. I do have a choice though. And that’s wasting the chance to get out in the sunshine. All I need to do is earn the chance to get out by doing some things that need doing.

Two days ago, the clocks went back by an hour. I think I’ve adjusted to this quickly this year. The trick is to go to bed and hour earlier and ignore the TV schedules and all the other timetables that have moved. Admittedly, this is easier when there’s no job to go to. All I can do it try to do the right things and get what’s left of my life back on track.

Yesterday came and went so quickly. I’m not sure what happened, but at least my place looked a little bit tidier than when I woke up yesterday. It’s not great, but it is better. Everything else is a mess and I still don’t know how to get out of the hole. Perhaps the answer will come with some sunshine and fresh air. One thing I do know is that not making the most of it will make me miserable.

Suddenly, the anxiety kicks in and I’m in a panic again. It doesn’t look like a panic when I haven’t moved an inch, but it weakens me, distracts me, and makes everything feel futile. I don’t even know why I’m doing this.

I could go for my ride now, but it’s still chilly outside. In a couple of hours it will be 20C. So just for now, I’ll send a few job applications off and look out of the window.

Any early enthusiasm has drained from me now, and it’s only 0821. This is exhausting, as I remember that I don’t have the first clue what to do. It’s time for another pot of coffee and see if any birds have visted the feeders. Wish me luck for the rest of the day. Once I’m out of the house, at least my troubles go away – for a while.