But what year is it really?

I’m back to start off my eight year and just over 400 blogs. That’s not enough, but it’s a lot more than none. So, here we go again………

Let’s start with instant writers’ block. I’ve just sat at my desk doing nothing for at least ten minutes. The problem is trying to process what’s in my head. It always has been. It aches like the rest of me and all I want is for the pain to go away. For that to happen, I need to take better care of myself, which I haven’t been doing. Don’t think that I’ve completely let myself go. It’s just that I have a high maintenance back. If you looked at me, you’d think I’m fine, but I’m not. This year was touch and go, but hey, I’m still here!

Here’s a quick recap of 2021. We are still in a pandemic, but a different one. We went from Alpha, to Delta, and now we are enjoying Omicron. The World Health Organisation, or who ever decided to pick the best sounding names out of the Greek alphabet when I was looking forward to leaning them one by one. Then we had “Freedom Day”, when everything was going to be fine, followed by a predictable spike in cases at the end of the year. Nohing else happened and I can’t remember anything, as one day merges in to another, or I box up the bad stuff in my head and archive it to be restored at all the wrong times. If it weren’t for taking photos and writing the occassional blog, I’d have no memory of anything.

Today is 3rd Jan 2022 and I have no idea how I’m going to make it to 2023. Any attempts to improve my situation only ever make things worse. My judgement is poor, and most of the time I don’t have the energy to improve my life. The sense of loss for what I could have been, but really have none of the ability for weighs me dowhn every day. Some people are damaged from the start. I’d better leave it there.

On a lighter note, this might help me in a few months when I read it back. But I doubt it will. The only decision to make is whether or not to add this to the list of private entries I don’t want anyone to read.