It can fuck the fuck off!

I’ve made it all the way to Monday before I needed an after work drink in the pub. Go me. Yay!

The good thing is that the place looked like it would on any other day. That’s why I’m here. But I could be in the gym. I could, but that can wait for another day. For the moment, I’ll take comfort in my spiral of decline. At least I’ve identified where I am. Today is not the day for change. Today is the day to write about it. And it’s just another day. Another day to piss me off in the background of my brain where I haven’t got a bloody clue what’s going on. That background is my subconscious and any thoughts flying around are best left there where my brain can protect me from them.

I’m fine really. All I want to do is get angry and feel something. This can be a bad thing, because there’s a problem with men and boys where that’s their go to emotion. Everything is reduced to anger. All I am now is mildly fucked off and trying to find some humour in there – which there isn’t much of, because I’m all on my own typing away. And my reactions to how I feel may be totally at odds with any significant other due to conditioning about the 14th Feb, which is probably the reason why I’m sitting alone, typing away, not even looking interesting. Too do that, I’d have to get out the chess board and sit on my own with no one to play.

The best thing to do is take a deep breath and think about how many pints is sensible for a ride home. The drink of choice is a good clean lager that has never let me down on the morning after. But having said that, I’ve never had more than three, or maybe four pints of it. My feeling is easily to go for a third. I have a hankering for a whiskey, or whisky, but that’s for another day. Today is only Monday after all.

In summary, I’m plodding my way through the day. I had a good lunch with an old friend, and the drink is dulling my head. When I get home, there’s the day before yesterday’s chicken casserole that I cooked last Saturday. So life is good!