Or do I just mean people?

When I started work, I promised that I’d give money to homeless charities and foodbanks. I’m doing it, but £75 each month doesn’t feel like enough. Worse than that, this is for people where things have already taken a turn for the worse. But at least I think I selected the best charities that can be most effective.

In the back of my mind I feel guilty that I can spare the money now. This is a kind of survivor guilt. Buying coffees so I can sit down and type, isn’t a problem anymore. I can pop out for take-away food now – but I make my own rice now. And if I can give any advice on saving money, it’s make your own rice when you order a take-away. You might feel a bit cheap, but do it. And when you have more money, you’ll be able to order two dishes instead of one.

I need to credit Laura Kidd aka @penfriendrocks. A short video she posted got me motivated again, kind of. It led me to typing again and I downloaded her new long playing record Exotic Monsters, with blue vinyl in the post. I’m not sure what else I’m going to to, but it was a reminder to ignore the inner critic and get on with the creative thing you wanted to do.

My website needs updating, but I’m not sure how to do it. If only I knew what it is that I wanted to do. More to the point – why?

And that’s the problem. I need an answer to the – WHY?

Just doing stuff for the sake of it is fine, but I have no idea if it’s helping me get to the destination I haven’t thought about. The assumption that I’m on a journey is fine, but avoiding dead-ends and going in a forwards direction would be nice. And if I am going backwards for a little while, doing it by choice would be my decision and I could deal with that.

I spend too much time thinking about whether I over analyze or not. The reason I popped out was to make me not think that, and I’m still thinking about it.

Oh well. At least I managed to let that thought reach the page. It’s not easy not to over think these days. There’s lots of monsters out there. Many of which are the people in power.