I feel compelled to write something.

If you want to see what’s going on in June 2022, look at old newspapers. A long time ago I decided that this wasn’t a diary. For example, we’ve just had a long Bank Holiday for the Queen’s 70th Jubilee – not a dicky bird from me about it. But sometimes, there’s something big, very big, and I’ll barely mention it, but it makes me sit down and type.

Boris Johnson, our Dear Leader is facing a vote of no confidence this evening. He’ll win and will end up damaged, but he’ll win. Either way, the result will be an absolute mess. It’s going to be a total shitshow. The time is 1833 and the result is expected at 2100. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Let’s talk about me. Me, me, me, me me!

Bird photos are where I feel confident, almost confident. It means I can focus on something. Having a camera makes it even easier. If I was really confident, I would have invested more in my camera, so I could take better shots. Don’t get me wrong, my pictures are fine. What they aren’t is great. I lacked the confidence to back myself. Learned experience is a pain in the arse. Learned experience tells me that I will keep making mistakes, because I keep making mistakes. What I don’t want to is make those mistakes. But I do make those mistakes, over and over again! And nothing affects confidence by doing that.

There is a type of person who makes mistakes. They can do it over and over again, because they aren’t affected by those fuck ups. When you’re in a position of power, the thinking is that you are there for a reason and you must be good. Either way, think of the money and delegate your errors. A golden handshake will follow. Think Boris Johnson. But it’s not at all sure who will give him a job, except for writing opinion pieces in newspapers who tell him what hos opinions are.

None of this is making me feel any better. I’ve had a real dip in confidence. Part of my head has an idea about how to be brilliant. The problem is that that part of my head is trolling me with the idea that I could have been good. But I’m not. All I have is some bird photos and a substandard blog.